---------------------
A Cowboy said to a Rancher, "Is that your dog?" The Rancher replied,
"Yup."
"Mind if I talk to him?" "Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't
talk?" The
Cowboy replied, "So what's the harm? May I?" "Go right ahead."
The Cowboy said to the dog, "Howdy!" The dog replied, "Hello." The
Rancher's
eyes pop wide. The Cowboy continued, "Is this your master?" "Yep,
he sure
is." "Does he treat you alright?" "Sure does. Every day he takes
me for
a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he
takes me to
the lake to play."
Rancher was dumbfounded. The Cowboy said to the Rancher, "Is that
your
horse over there?" "Yes." "Do you mind if I talk to him?" The
Rancher
replied, "I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that
horses
can't talk." "Well, then what would it hurt?" "Go right ahead."
The Cowboy said to the horse, "Hello." The Horse replied, "Hello."
The
Rancher stood there with his jaw wide open. The Cowboy asked, "Is
that
your owner?" "Yup, sure is." "He treat you okay?" "Sure, he rides
me every
day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the
barn
away from the elements." "Sounds good."
The Cowboy then asked the Rancher, "Are those your sheep over
there?"
The Rancher is horrified and stammers, "Them sheep out there,
they're
nothing but a bunch of liars!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete
is leafin'
through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint
Peter goes
through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the
guy, "You
know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but,
you never
did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one
REALLY good
deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time
when I was
drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang
Rapists
assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going
on, and
sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.
Infuriated, I
get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked
straight up to the
leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a
chain running
from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker
Gang Rapists
formed a circle around me. So, I rip the leader's chain off his face
and smash him
over the head with the tire iron. Then I turn around and yell to the
rest of them,
'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick,
deranged
animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."
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