Two rednecks are playing golf behind two flamingly effeminate golfers who are just flitting about after every shot, every putt, everything. The
rednecks are getting so mad watching the unmacho behavior of the two at the "gentleman's game", so they decide they're going to hit into them to getoff.
The rednecks' shots are getting dangerous close to the two gays, and
finally, a shot from one of the rednecks hits one of the gays on the head
and it knocks him out cold.
The other gay is in an angry panic, shaking his friend to get up - "Felipe! Felipe! Get up! Get up...!" - and at the rednecks - "You bad men! We are going to sue you!"
One of the rednecks yelled back, "You ain't gonna sue us! I'd just as soon let you suck my dick!"
The gay heard that and started shaking his friend, "Felipe! Felipe! Get
up! Hurry! They want to settle out of court!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams
across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the
courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.
Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with flowers and chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf mutes." With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears.
As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents are
completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the soccer
game, and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete
silence, Mom suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her knickers and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly Dad launches himself across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick under each eye lid.
The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of water over her nether regions. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more match sticks under his eyelids.
No sooner have they concluded this strange behavior and the daughter
returns fully dressed ready for their date. The evening is a complete
disaster with the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the living room.
At the end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done
something wrong?" "It's not you," replied her date, "It's just that the
strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit
shocked."
After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man reluctantly recounts the story. 'Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her skirt. She then pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind."
"I see," says the girl, "What happened then?" "Well, if that isn't enough
your Father races from his chair leans Mom over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick under each eye lid.' "Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The young man can't believe the casual response to this weird practice.
"It's easily explained. Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, fuck him. I'm watching the match.'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
"This is $200," she says.
"I want one more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it."
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, " Go put this on and come down to model it for me."
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so
see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not."
So his wife comes down wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose.
"So, how do you like it?" she says.
"Damn! You'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing."
|
