A Letter from Stanford
I hope ya'll haven't already seen this. Some sick person emailed it to me (but it's pretty funny)
Dear Mom and Dad: It has been four months since I left for college. I have
>been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will
bring
>you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. Don't read any
>further unless you are sitting down ... OK?
>Good. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
>concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught
>fire, shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now.
>I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and
>only get three headaches a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my
>jump were witnessed by an attendant at a nearby gas station, and he was able
>to call the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me
> at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out
dorm,
> he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him.
>It's really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy
>and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.
>We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure it will be before I start to
show.
>
>Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to
>being grandparents, and I know you will give the baby the same love and
>devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
>The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor
>infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests, and I
>carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up, thanks to my daily
>penicillin injections. I know you will welcome him into our family with open
>arms. He is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Also, he
is
>of a different race and religion than ours, but I know, after all your years
>of teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat
>darker than we are. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family
background
>is good, too; I am told that his father is an important
>gunbearer in his native African village.
>I guess that's it. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want you to know
>... There was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull
>fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I
do
>not have syphilis and there is no man of another race in my life.
>However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted
you
>to see these marks in their proper perspective.
>Your loving daughter,
>
>Chelsea
>
>P.S. Stanford is great...I love it, though I miss you both terribly...and
>Socks, too!
>P.P.S Dad, please give my best to Monica & the others.
> |
