One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown
wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service
starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives,
their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and
running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined
efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits
calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
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3 girls died and was brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering
the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St.
Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple
question."
"Which is ...?", they replied in unison.
"Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still
virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden
key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but
was not after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy
I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime".
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."
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There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.
The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed
it and decided that it would affect his sensitivity.
The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it."
They discussed it and decided that it would change the texture and feel of it.
The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it."
They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.
The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running done her cheeks.
The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"
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