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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6299)7/28/1998 11:09:00 AM
From: Henry Volquardsen  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
an oldie but a goodie

Officer Efficiency Reports
Actual lines out of U.S. OER's:
* Not the sharpest knife in the drawer;
* Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching;
* A room temperature IQ;
* Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it;
* A prime candidate for natural deselection;
* Bright as Alaska in December;
* Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn't coming;
* So dense that light bends around him;
* If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate;
* If he were more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week;
* Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby;
* Wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
-------------------------------------------------

Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:
* His men would follow him anywhere but only out of curiosity;
* I would not breed this officer;
* He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
satisfaction;
* He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle;
* This young lady has delusions of adequacy;
* This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port
to port and my officers carry him from bar to bar;
* Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig;
* She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them;
* He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age;
* Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap;
* This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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