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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Nick I. Porreco who wrote (439)12/12/1996 6:38:00 AM
From: Prasanna L Soni   of 62543
 
Everything I need to know I learned in Corporate America ...

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
22. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
23. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
24. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
25. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
26. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
27. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.
28. Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
29. Never pass a snow plow on the right.
30. If you can smile when everything goes wrong, you probably don't understand the problem.

These actually appeared in various church bulletins:

Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the little mothers club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the pastor in his study.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

A bean supper will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

Tonights sermon: What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the church help.

Popularity

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a dozen donuts and two cups of coffee!
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