A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him
something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and
slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well,
you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No, but my
wife out in the car still does!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below
freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill
sergeant walks in and bellows, "THIS IS A BIRTHDAY SUIT
INSPECTION!!!!!!!!
I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran
outside to form up in their three ranks. The sarge walked out and yells,
"Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...
The captain comes along with his swagger stick. He goes to the first
soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it.
"DID THAT HURT?" he yells.
"No, Sir!" came the reply.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man. He takes the
stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he
has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with
the swagger stick.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE PENNY!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy
T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"4 cents," he replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife are visiting Mexico and go to the local restaurant for
dinner. They can't seen to decide on what to have so they spend a lot of
time looking over the menu. While they are looking, they hear a trumpet
fanfare, and out of the kitchen comes the cook with a big platter. He is
accompanied by two or three waiters and with much ceremony, they place
the platter on the next table and uncover it to reveal two rather large
rounded pieces of meat surrounded by vegetables and lots of garnish.
The man and wife ask their waiter what that was all about and the waiter
explains that the next table was just served the house specialty--the
testicles of the bull from the day's bullfight. The man and his wife ask
for the same dish and the waiter explains that there is only one
bullfight per day so they can't have that dish tonight, however, they
could be the persons of honor tomorrow night and that makes the couple
happy.
They return the next day and await the feast. There is the trumpet
fanfare, and the big procession and all the hoop-de-do and they set the
platter down and uncover it only to reveal two rather small morsels.
When the man asks the waiter, " what gives--yesterday's were so much
larger?" To which the waiter replies, "Well senor, you must understand,
some days the bull wins." |
