> > >Definitely evil, a little long, but funny!
> > >
> > >
> > > For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you
> > > just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out
> > > on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T
> > >know!!!
> > >
> > > Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a
> > > phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
> > >answered
> > > nicely saying, "Hello?"
> > >
> > > I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
> > >Robin Carter?"
> > > Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe
> > > that anyone could be that rude.
> > >
> > > I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed
> > >the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted
> > >the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it
> > >again.
> > >
> > > When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!"
> > and
> > > hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it
> > > in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or
> > had
> > > a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a
> > > jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
> > >
> > > Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
> > > real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass.
> > >
> > > Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
> > > "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the
> > >telephone
> > > company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller
> > > ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
> > called
> > >him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
> > >
> > > The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
> > >there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about
> > it.
> > >
> > > Just dial 823-4863.
> > >
> > > [Keep reading, it gets better.]
> > >
> > > The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
> > > parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
> > her
> > >car
> > > began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
> > > backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
> > >
> > > Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
> > > Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and
> > pulls
> > >into
> > > her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do
> > >that, Buddy. I was here first!"
> > >
> > > The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
> > >toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself,
> > this
> > >guy's a jackass, there's sure a lot of jackasses in this world.
> > >
> > > I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
> > >wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
> > >
> > > A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
> > gotten
> > >off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!"
> > >(It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed
> > dial.)
> > >
> > > I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my
> > >desk and thought I better call this guy too. He answered the phone and
> > >said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
> > >
> > > "Yes, it is."
> > >
> > > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> > >
> > > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
> > car's
> > >parked right out front."
> > >
> > > I said, "What's your name?"
> > >
> > > "My name is Don Hansen."
> > >
> > > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> > >
> > > "I'm home in the evenings."
> > >
> > > "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
> > >
> > > "Yes,"
> > >
> > > "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up
> > I
> > >added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
> > >
> > > For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a
> > >problem I
> > > had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the
> > >jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used
> > >to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a
> > >solution.
> > >
> > > First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
> > >"Hello."
> > >
> > > I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
> > >
> > > The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
> > >
> > > I said, "Yeah."
> > >
> > > He said, "Stop calling me."
> > >
> > > I said, "No."
> > >
> > > He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
> > >
> > > I said, "Don Hansen."
> > >
> > > He said "Where do you live?"
> > >
> > > "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's
> > parked
> > >out front."
> > >
> > > "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
> > prayers."
> > >
> > > "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
> > >
> > > Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
> > >
> > > I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
> > >
> > > He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
> > >
> > > "You'll what?"
> > >
> > > "I'll kick your butt."
> > >
> > > "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I
> > hung
> > >up.
> > > Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
> > >1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
> > as
> > >he got home.
> > >
> > > Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on W.
> > >34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
> > >Street to watch the whole thing.
> > >
> > > Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in
> > >front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest
> > >experiences of my life!
> > >
> > > Name withheld to protect the guilty.
> > > |
