A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she
proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him
to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off
without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him
to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he
had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was
carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those
for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the
sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"
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It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one
such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most
respected gunslinger in the west.
The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a
table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp,
I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"
Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't
usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my
health, but step back and let me take a look at you."
The boy stepped back and Mr Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing
black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look
likea gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"
The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off of the piano player's
right sleeve.
Wyatt said, "That's good shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?"
Before Earp could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from
his left holster and shot the cuff link off of the piano player's left shirt
sleeve. Very proud of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered his gun. "How was that?" the boy asked.
Wyatt smiled and looked up and the boy and said, "That was pretty good
shooting son. I couldn't do better than that myself, but I do have one good
tip for you."
"What's that?" the boy asked.
"I suggest that you go to the kitchen and ask the cook for a large can of
lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick them down deep in the lard."
Puzzled the young gunslinger asked why he should do that.
Earp put his cards down again, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Well
son, when Doctor Holliday gets done playing the piano over there, he's
going to take those two guns of yours and. shove up your ass"!
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