HERE'S A GOOD ONE..........
no offense to anyone...just a joke!
>
> MEN
>1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
>
>2. Why is a Laundromat (Laundry Place) a really bad place to pick up a
>woman?
>Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be
>able to support you.
>
>3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>
>4. How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
>When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
>
>5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
>You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
>
>6. Why do men pass gas more than women?
>Because women aren't quiet long enough to build up enough pressure.
>
>7. Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to
>
>want to shoot it.
>
>8. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
>the front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
>
>9. All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell
>them apart.
>
>10. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman that won't do what she's told.
>
>11. "I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
>Always".
>
>12. I haven't spoken to my girlfriend for 18 months - I don't like to
>interrupt her.
>
>13. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
>Divorced.
>
>14. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
>
>15. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a man's sex drive
>
>by 90%...wedding cake.
>
>16. Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
>Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
>
>
>WOMEN
>1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the
>house was spotless.
>
>2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
>
>3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
>
>4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
>
>5. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
>
>6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all
>there.
>
>7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
>
>8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out
>alone.
>
>9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance
>
>or buy drinks.
>
>10. Never sleep with a man who's named his 'Penis'.
>
>11. You might as well go for younger men. They never mature anyway.
>
>12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is
>unquestionably gay.
>
>13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can
>tell
>them apart.
>
>14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to
>make some woman miserable.
>
>15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself
>types.
>
>16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are
>too
>old for it.
>
>17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
>
>18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
>
>19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
>Even
>in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
>
>20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
>checkbooks.
>
>21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright, I'll
>stay
>here for the night."
>
>22. Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even
>bother to have lunch with.
>
>23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
>
>means you laugh at his.
>
>24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just
>practicing.
>
>25. Sadly, all men are created equal.
>
>26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be, you look
>
>familiar."
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