First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks......Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill,
and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded, "Just because I am esthetically challenged (that's "PC" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?" Janet says, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can."
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine!
Bill rolls over and says, "Is that you, Janet?"
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Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.
"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am."
"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"
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When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in
Prague. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters
CVKPNWXSCZ.
"Can you read that?" the doctor asked.
"Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I date his sister!"
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Three men are traveling the Amazon, a German, an American,
and a Polack, and they get captured by some Amazons.
The head of the tribe says to the German, what do you want
on your back for your whipping? The German responds,
"I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10
times. When he is finished the German has these hugh welts
on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polack,
what do you want on your back? "I will take nothing!" says the
Polack, and the Polack stands there straight and takes his 10
lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the
American, who responds "I'll take the Polack!"
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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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