Subject: Fwd: The baby photographer
Subject: The Baby Photographer
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>The British Government's policy of socialised medicine has
recently >been broadened to include a service called "Proxy
Fathers". Under the >government plan, any married woman who is
unable to become pregnant >through the first five years of her
marriage may request the service of >a proxy father- a government
employee who attempts to solve the >couple's problem by
>impregnating the wife.
>
>The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father
is due >to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off.
The government >man should be here soon." Moments later a
door-to-door baby >photographer rings the bell...
>
>Ms Smith: "Good morning."
>
>Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come
>to....."
>
>Ms Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you". >
>Salesman: "Really? Well, good. You'll be reassured to know that
I've >made a specialty of babies, especially twins."
>
>Ms Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in and >have a seat."
>
>Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the
idea?" >
>Ms Smith: "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree
this is >the right thing to do."
>
>Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it." >
>Ms Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?" >
>Salesman: "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, >one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living >room floor allows the subject to really
spread out."
>
>Ms Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't
worked for >Harry and me."
>
>Salesman: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
everytime, >but if we try several locations and I shoot from six
or seven angles, >I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In
fact, my business card >says, "I aim to please.'"
>
>Ms Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?" >
>Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and
take >his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but
you'd be >disappointed with that."
>
>Ms Smith: "Don't I know! Have you had much success at this?" >
>Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures)
"Just look >at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on
top of a bus in >downtown London."
>
>Ms Smith: "Oh, my!!"
>
>Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town.
They >turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
mother was so >difficult to work with."
>
>Ms Smith: "She was?"
>
>Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to
Hyde >Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under
such impossible >conditions. People were crowding around four and
five deep, pushing to >get a good look."
>
>Ms Smith: "A good look?"
>
>Salesman: "Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother
got so >excited she started bouncing around, squealing and
yelling at the >crowd. I couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had
to ask a couple of men >to restrain her. By that time darkness
was approaching and I began to >rush my shots. When the squirrels
began nibbling on my equipment I just >packed it all in."
>
>Ms Smith: "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh...,
equipment?" >
>Salesman: "That's right, but it's all in a day's work. I
consider my >work a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my
patented technique. Now >take this baby, I shot this one in the
front window of a big department >store."
>
>Ms Smith: "I just can't believe it." >
>Salesman: "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that >we can get to work."
>
>Ms Smith: "TRIPOD?!?"
>
>Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment
on. It's >much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm
shooting. Ms >Smith? ... Ms Smith?...My word, she's fainted!"
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