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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: Jim O'Connell who wrote (8639)2/9/1999 9:54:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
Another Darwin award
>
>
> TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a
> three way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the
> Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr. Otomais
> suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is
> claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job.
> The bar is countersuing for defamation and loss of customers.
>
> The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon
> dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more
> environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made
> the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and
> discotheques.
>
> Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because hydrogen
> molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more
> rapidly; individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can
> speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk
> of physics, chic urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke
> sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
>
> The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling
> point, even though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a
> deliberate marketing ploy.
>
> It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth
> using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos
> feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame
> contests take place in pubs everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no-one to
> blame but himself. If he had not become drunk and disorderly, none of
> this would have happened. Our security guards undergo the most
> careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with
> customers" said Mr. Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
>
> "Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to
> maximize the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He
> catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira [Godzilla] would
> be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the
> judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the
> singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune."
>
>
> "He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the
> judge, singeing the front of Mrs. Mifune's hair, entirely removing her
> eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers.
> None of these people have returned to my bar. When our security staff
> approached he turned his attentions to them, making it almost
> impossible to approach him.
> Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr. Otoma's
> knees, knocking his legs from under him."
>
> "The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that
> propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his center of
> gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was
> his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault
> he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he
> swallowed that cigarette."
>
> "The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent
> internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third
> degree burns to his esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding
> gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness
> and loss of employment are his own fault.
>
>
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