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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Jill who wrote (8688)2/14/1999 4:27:00 PM
From: Chip Anderson  Read Replies (2) of 62548
 
You might be a redneck Jedi Knight if...

1.) Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
2.) You use your lightsaber to open a non-twist-off
bottle of Bud.
3.) There is a blaster rack in the back of your
landspeeder.
4.) You use your lightsaber to pick your teeth.
5.) At least one section of your X-Wing is Bondo
colored.
6.) You have bantha horns on the front of your
landspeeder.
7.) You can't describe the taste of an Ewok without
using the word "chicken".
8.) You can find no grammatical errors in the way
Yoda talks.
9.) You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members
with really good sheets.
10.) A peaceful meditation is one without gas.
11.) You can levitate yourself using a force from
within, but not THE force.
12.) Your master/mentor ever said "Hey, pull my
finger..."
13.) Your X-wing is up on blocks in your front yard.
14.) You lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because
you had to spit.
15.) The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the
dadgum skeeters.
16.) Wookies are offended by your B.O.
17.) You have ever used the force to get yourself
another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
18.) You use your lightsaber to clean fish.
19.) Your father said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over
t' the dark side... it'll be a hoot."
20.) You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to
get the barbecue grill to light.
21.) The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden
so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
22.) You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace.
23.) You have ever used the force in conjunction with
fishing or bowling.
24.) You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance
should be the Confederate flag.
25.) More than half the droids you own don't function.
26.) The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
27.) You wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
28.) You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the
78 Wampas you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
29.) Your moonshine is really made on the moon.
30.) You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it
prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
31.) Sandpeople back down from your mama.
32.) You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your
way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.
33.) You've ever strangled someone with the force
because they laughed at your accent.
34.) You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
35.) You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging
rights to a broken droid.
36.) A Wookie has told you that you need to shave.
37.) You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while
lighting a cigarette with your lightsaber.
38.) You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
39.) You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
40.) You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene
problem.
41.) You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug
zapper.
42.) The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

Chip
stockcharts.com
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