Scary thing about the following is, that they seem to thrive on it!!
The Toddler Diet
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets
is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get
enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now
the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may
want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you
may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of
toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of
milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina
DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in
dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it
on the cushion of best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites
onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to
laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive.
Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once
cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear.
Dump pudding into Kool-aid and suck up with a straw.
REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED! |
