Ever deal with computer operators?.........
Subject: NEW PHONE SYSTEM
A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the
local Mental Health Institute....
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line one more minute and we will trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone
number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden
name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
000.
If you have BI-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have
short-term memory loss press 9....
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are
too busy to talk to you. |
