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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: John Messbauer who wrote (9059)3/29/1999 3:00:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up
Q: How can you tell if you are at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dream every
night?
A: Hanson
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw
Q: What do you call a dog with 4" legs and 6" steel balls?
A: Sparky
Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
A: Wayne takes a shower after three periods.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out
Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in kid's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left
is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end, you
lose your house
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party and a bitch sleeps with
everybody at the party except you
Q: What's the diff between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: What has four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson's dog
Q. What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
Q. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive
Q. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavors
Q. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust
Q. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
Q. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing
Q. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy
together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection
Q. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey
Q. What is the ultimate rejection?
A: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep
Q. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.
Q. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it
Q. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handle bars
Q. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A: A mobile sperm bank.
Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
A: All you can eat for under a buck.
Q. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
A: A 30 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Q: What three two-letter words denote "small"?
A: "Is it in?"
Q: Moms have Mothers Day, Fathers have Fathers Day. What do Single guys
have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.
Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan.
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