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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: John Messbauer who wrote (9221)4/6/1999 9:28:00 PM
From: Stephanie M  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
Airlines humor

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
>
>If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick
back they get smaller.
>(Unless you keep pulling the stick back -- then they get bigger again)
>
>Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
>
>It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there
wishing you were down here.
>
>The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot
cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a
sweat.
>
>Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with
the sky.
>
>It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
>
>The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
>
>Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from
which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great
landing.'
>It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
>
>The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
>
>Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never
let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes
earlier.
>
>You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
>
>Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by
day.
>
>A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and
reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random
in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the
earth immediately repels them.
>
>Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?
>
>Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
>
>Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
>
>Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
>
>There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no
one knows what they are.
>
>The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot
who once was a captain.
>
>Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
>
>It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large
>fortune.
>
>A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
>
>Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
>
>Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
>
>Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your
>takeoffs.
>
>You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
>
>There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old,
bold, pilots!
>
>Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!
>
>----
>
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