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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: jbIII who wrote (9246)4/13/1999 12:42:00 AM
From: Neenny  Read Replies (2) of 62547
 
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The following quotes were taken from actual
medical records as dictated by physicians...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had
stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left
side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the
third day it had completely disappeared.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her
husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she
began seeing me in 1983

Patient was released to outpatient department
without dressing.

I have suggested that he loosen his pants before
standing, and then, when he stands with the help
of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore
we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at
another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been
remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs
went in separate directions in early December.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe
shortness of breath with a picture of acute
pulmonary edema at home while having sex which
gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and
anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good
health until his airplane ran out of gas and
crashed.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I
thought you would like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and
sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the
room.
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