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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (9397)4/26/1999 11:31:00 AM
From: Carol Putnam  Read Replies (1) of 62550
 


DEEP THOUGHTS:

1) If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?

2) I believe five out of four people have trouble
with fractions.

3) If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up
with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

4) Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

5) What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

6) I was thinking that women should put pictures of
missing husbands on beer cans.

7) I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use?
Perhaps toothpicks?

8) Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What
are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could
look for them while they
delivered the mail?

9) How much deeper would oceans be if sponges
didn't live there?

10) If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are
the OTHERS here for?

11) You never really learn to swear until you learn
to drive.

12) No one ever says "It's only a game," when their
team is winning.

13) If you can't be kind, at least have the decency
to be vague.

14) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?

15) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

16) Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

17) Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

18) Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

19) If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby
oil come from?

20) I went for a walk last night and my kids asked
me how long I'd be
gone. I said, "The whole time."

21) Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat
food?

22) Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

23) Since light travels faster than sound, isn't
that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?

24) Why do you press harder on a remote control
when you know the
battery is dead?

25) If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog
horns made of?
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