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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: pavlov 1 who wrote (9548)5/11/1999 8:26:00 AM
From: Arthur Radley  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
Never raise your hands to your kids
> It leaves your groin unprotected.
> ______________________________________________
>
> I'm not into working out. My philosophy:
> No pain, no pain.
> _______________________________________________
>
> I am in shape. Round's a shape!
> _______________________________________________
>
> I'm desperately trying to figure out why
> kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
> _______________________________________________
> Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full
> > effect of alphabet soup?
> _______________________________________________
> I always wanted to be somebody, but I should
> have been more specific.
> _______________________________________________
> Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face
> he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a
> car he sticks his head out the window.
> _______________________________________________

> Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than
> > you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
> You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started
> walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97
> today and we don't know where she is.
> _______________________________________________
>
> The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
> they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
> _______________________________________________
> >
> Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together
> without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
> _______________________________________________
>
> I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I
> go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter
> how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
> they are always locking three.
> _______________________________________________
> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
> four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
> illness. Think of your three best friends. If they
> are okay, then it's you.
> ________________________________________________
> Now they show you how detergents take out
> bloodstains;
> a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got
> a
> T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry
> isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid
> of the body before you do the wash.
> _______________________________________________
>
> I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls.
> They always say because it's such a beautiful animal.
> There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I
> only have photographs of her.
> ________________________________________________
> A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my
> suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that
> jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,
> I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
> have to kill you too."
>
> Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald
> Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald
> Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
>
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