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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Bill who wrote (9584)5/12/1999 3:50:00 PM
From: High Grader  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 


> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :
>
> 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound intelligent
> 2. Own half the world's perfume industry and still never use deodorant
> 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
> 4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
> 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on late night films on Channel =
4
> 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
> 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
> 8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
> humiliating your sense of national pride
> 9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street
> 10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
>
> 1. You can have a woman president without electing her
> 2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
> 3. You can call Budweiser beer
> 4. You can be a crook/adulterer and still be president
> 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
> 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
> 7. You can invent a new public holiday every year
> 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody
> seems to care
> 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
> 10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth for no reason at
> all
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
>
> 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
> 2. Warm beer
> 3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
> 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
> 5. Union jack underpants
> 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
> 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power
> 8. Fish and chips
> 9. Beats being Welsh
> 10. Or Scottish
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
>
> 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
> 2. Unembarrassed to wear fur
> 3. No need to worry about tax returns
> 4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 AD
> 5. Can wear sunglasses inside
> 6. Political stability
> 7. Flexible working hours
> 8. Live near the Pope
> 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
> 10. Country run by Sicilian murderers
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:
>
> 1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes
> 2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
> 3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc
> 4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
> 5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
> 6. Honesty
> 7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid,
> tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
> 8. You get to eat bulls' testicles
> 9. Gibraltar
> 10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
>
> 1.
> 2.
> 3.
> 4.
> 5.
> 6.
> 7.
> 8.
> 9.
> 10.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN :
>
> 1. Chicken Madras
> 2. Lamb Passanda
> 3. Onion Bhaji
> 4. Bombay Potato
> 5. Chicken Tikka Masala
> 6. Rogan Josh
> 7. Popadoms
> 8. Chicken Dopiaza
> 9. Meat Bhuna
> 10. Kingfisher lager
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
>
> 1 to 10. Sheep
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
>
> 1. Guinness
> 2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives
> 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
> 4. Pubs never close
> 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second
> Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't
> have
> sex with a condom on
> 6. No one can ever remember the night before
> 7. Kill people you don't agree with
> 8. Stew
> 9. More Guinness
> 10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the
> morning after a bout of sectarian violence
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
>
> 1. It beats being an American
> 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
> to the ground
> 3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
> 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
> to the ground
> 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a
> canoe?
> 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
> popularity ratings will rise
> 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
> to the ground
> 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in
> their skins
> 9. Own-an-eskimo scheme
> 10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
> capital to the ground
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
>
> 1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no
> civilised nation on earth wanted
> (ie: You get to live in what was Britain's largest "open prison")
> 2. Fosters Lager
> 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000
> years because you think it belongs to you
> 4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket
> 5. Tact and sensitivity
> 6. Bondi Beach
> 7. Other beaches
> 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
> 9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
> 10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A KIWI:
>
> 1. Get to shag chicks that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock
> 2. Beer
> 3. Rugby
> 4. See above
> 5. See above
> 6. See above
> 7. See above
> 8. See above
> 9. You can tap a girl on her head and her knickers fall down
> 10. Hate everyone else ......unless its their round
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