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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Edwarda who wrote (10111)6/3/1999 3:14:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum  Read Replies (2) of 62549
 
Lessons?

DEEP THOUGHTS:

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at
you?

But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock
every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there
picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always
say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my
mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
You know a cow was murdered for that jacket'? She sneered.
I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any
witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library;
the James Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill
Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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