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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (10308)	6/15/1999 11:49:00 PM
From: Cyrus	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62578

> > You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. > > * Henny Youngman > > > > The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that > > perhaps they're too old to do it. > > * Ann Bancroft (married to Mel Brooks) > > > > Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," > > is > > talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. > > * Bill Cosby > > > > I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. > > They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. > > * Rita Rudner > > > > Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. > > * Benjamin Franklin > > > > My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. > > * Henny Youngman > > > > My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. > > * Rodney Dangerfield > > > > A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. > > * Milton Berle > > > > I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. > > * George Burns > > > > What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 > > pounds. > > * Cindy Garner > > > > Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. > > * Phyllis Diller > > > > The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. > > * Henny Youngman > > > > At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing > > your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, > > I > > married the wrong man." > > > > After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool > > when > > I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love > > and > > didn't notice." > > > > A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he > > received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can > > have > > mine." > > > > When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let > > him > > keep her. > > > > Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second > > marriage > > is the triumph of hope over experience. > > > > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. > > > > Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. > > > > I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt > > her. > > > > Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life > > thinking > > they had no faults at all. > > > > My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two > > girlfriends. > > > > A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, > > I > > like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." > > > > A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it > > because the thief was spending less than his wife did. > > > > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget > > it > > once. > > > > First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" > > Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." > > > > Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street > > with a > > bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.