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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (10320)	6/16/1999 3:03:00 PM
From: DJ Oglesby	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. *************** What do you call a psychic dwarf who escapes from prison? A small medium at large. *************** Food for thought: Why do kamakazi (sp?) pilots wear helmets?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (10320)	6/16/1999 3:27:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Honey, do you think you're up for the job? <VBG>

To: The Philosopher who wrote (10320)	6/20/1999 2:11:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

The Genesis of Windows 1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word. 2. And there were two Bytes in the Word, and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero, and he saw that it was good. 3. And God said - Let the Data be, and so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. 4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them Hardware. 5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs, small and large. And he told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory. 6. And God said - I will create the Programmer, and the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data. 7. And God created the Programmer, and put him at Data Center, and God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree. And God said-You can use all the volumes and subvolumes, but DO NOT USE Windows. 8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer, and admire the Programmer, and love all the things that the Programmer did. And God called the creature: the User. 9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good. 10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs? 11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data in the Catalog Tree, but told us not to run Windows or we will die. 12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse. 13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it. 14. So the User installed Windows on his computer, and said to the Programmer that it was good. 15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who said you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to! 16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did, you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows. 17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources, and you will have to use lousy programs, and you will always rely on the Programmer's help. 18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User, you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors, and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time. 19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password. 20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT. <<

To: The Philosopher who wrote (10320)	6/20/1999 2:57:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Four guys are driving cross-country together—-one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York. A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window. The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, “What the hell are you doing?” The man from Idaho says, “Man, we have so many of these damned things in Idaho they're lying around on the ground—I'm sick of looking at them!” A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Florida asks “What are you doing that for?” The man from Iowa replies, “Man, we have so many of these damned things in Iowa I'm sick of looking at them!” Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.