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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10345)	6/17/1999 9:25:00 PM
From: Zencone	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Bright Women Quotes 1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton- 2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong- 3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner- 4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner- 5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman- 6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck- 7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- 8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- 9. I think -- therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead- 10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country 11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- 12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner- 13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- 14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem- 16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli- 17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill- 18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee- 19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10345)	6/17/1999 9:26:00 PM
From: Zencone	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE..... At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice) Insist that your e-mail address be xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN-BOX." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that." Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Reply to everything someone say with "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." Dont use any punctuation Ask people what sex they are. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10345)	6/18/1999 8:20:00 AM
From: JakeStraw	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box."