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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Goalie who wrote (10435)	6/23/1999 2:45:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

"What I've learned." I've learned-that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned-that no matter how much I care, some people are just aholes. I've learned-that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned-that it's not what you have in your life that counts but how much you have in your bank accounts. I've learned -- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits. I've learned-that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more fked up than you think. I've learned-that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. I've learned-that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned-that money is a great substitute for character. I've learned-that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. I've learned-that your family won't always be there for you. Of course, if you win the lottery, the nag, the philanderer, the f**k-up, the missing one will be there for "you." I've learned-that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned-that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. I've learned-that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours. I've learned-that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.