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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (10438)	6/26/1999 11:53:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation. Interviewer: “So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?” LTG Reinwald: “We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.” Interviewer: “Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible,isn't it?” LTG Reinwald: “I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range.” Interviewer: “Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?” LTG Reinwald: “I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm.” Interviewer: “But you're equipping them to become violent killers.” LTG Reinwald: “Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?” End of the interview

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (10438)	6/26/1999 12:08:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

Subject: Software Notice Dear Consumers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 98 with a background of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver. Also note: The Recycle Bin is labeled “Outhouse” My Computer is called “This Dern Contraption” Dial up Networking is called “Good Ol' Boys” Control Panel is known as the “The Dashboard” Hard Drive is referred to as “4 Wheel Drive” Floppies are “them little ol plastic disc thangs” Instead of an error message a “garbage bag and roll of duct tape” pops up. CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SUTHERN EDITION: OK: ats aw-right Reset: try er agin Yes: yep No: noop Find: hunt fer it Go to: over yonder Back: back yonder Help: hep me out here Stop: kwit it Start: crank er up Settings: sittins Programs: stuff at duz stuff Documents: stuff ah done did Also note that SUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98: tiperiter: A word processing program colerin book: a graphics program cyferin mersheen: calculator outhouse paper: notepad jupe-box: CD Player iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0 pichers: A graphics viewer irs: MS accounting software irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files tax records: usually an empty file coon dog: American kennel club records You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with certain “Favorites” for browsing the Worldwide Web: Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society NRA: National Rifle Association Shotgun: Remington Arms home page Riffel: Winchester home page Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code House: Mobile home repair services & movers by zip code Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents (extremely long download time) Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code Racin': NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race Parts: Junk yards by zip code Doc: Veterinarians by zip code We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all y'all! Billy Bob Gates