Teacher asks her class "What is the animal depicted on a weather vane?"
Little Johnny who is a troublemaker says, "I know, teacher, I know."
Against her better judgment she calls on him and he says, "Teacher, it is a cock."
So the teacher asks the class "Why is a cock on a weather vane?"
"I know, I know, teacher," says Johnny."
"Ok, Johnny, Why?"
"Because, teacher, if it had a cunt on it, the wind would whistle right through it."
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Q Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade: Who has the
biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
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Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
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What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
What do you get when you cross two black people?
Your ass kicked.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of
words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"
"Does anyone know another word."
"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
"OK Mike, what is your word."
"Saturday." says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick
me! Pick me!"
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.
Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
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Q: How can you spot an Polish pirate? A: He wears a patch over both eyes.
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Q: What's a Polish 69? A: You suck your thumb while you jerk off.
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A friend saw President Clinton smoking a pipe and asked, "Hey Bill, I
thought you were a cigar man???"
President Clinton responded,"Cigars are for pussies!"
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Q: What's this:
__X__
__Xski__
A: A PolAck co-signing a loan for black guy.
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The Italian and the Polish parachutists were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in the plane and judge by the mid-air performance of their chutes. The Polack jumped first, pulled the cord, and started floating toward the earth. The Italian jumped, pulled the cord - and nothing happened.
He pulled the safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Pole, plummetting like a stone.
"Ah HA!" shouted the Polack, yanking off his harness. "So ya wanna race!"
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Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.
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Q: How is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you can't help wondering who was there before you.
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Barely 20 minutes after teeing off, a woman came into the clubhouse, grimacing in pain.
"What happened?" the club pro asked. "I got stung by a bee," she replied.
"Where?" "Between the first and second holes."
"Hmm," the pro murmured. "Sounds like your stance was a little too wide."
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Q: What's the difference between a hobo and a homo?
A: A hobo doesn't have any friends at all, whereas a homo has friends up the ass.
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A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton for their honeymoon night. At the front desk, they check in, and the receptionist gives the groom the key to the bridal suite.
Just then he says to the groom, "Sir, It is now 6 o'clock, dinner will be served from 7:30 onwards."
The groom looks at him and says, "Thank you, but we won't be needing any," and off he and his bride go to the room. The whole evening the people next door to the bridal suite are phoning down to the main desk to complain about all the moaning, which doesn't stop for one minute the whole night.
Next morning at 6am, the groom phones down to room service.
"Hi, could I get some breakfast brought up here?"
"Sure, what would you like?" asks room service.
The groom says, "Well, I have to replace all the energy I lost last night so you'd better get me 6 fried eggs, 9 sausages, 12 slices of toast and 6 liters of orange juice!"
Room service replies, "Gee, that's quite an appetite you got there. Is that for your wife as well, or just for you?"
"No, that's just for me. Can you send up six pieces of lettuce for my wife as well?"
Room service asks, "Why six pieces of lettuce?"
The groom replies, "I have to see if she can eat like a rabbit as well!"
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Staggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, the drunken husband collapsed in a chair and let out an enormous belch.
"That's it George! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever."
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it."
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These three guys are sitting at a bar arguing which one has the ugliest wife. The conversation begins to get heated to the point of the barkeeper telling them to get the hell out or shut up! In
fact he says, "why don't you settle it once and for all and just visit each others house and decide for yourselves..." Damn Good idea they agree, finish their drinks and make off for the first
guys house. Upon arriving he bangs on his door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two. Not so fast says the second, I got that beat. And off they go to his house... He bangs on the door and his wife comes to answer the door opens and all three step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet but the third guy says sorry I've got you both beat. He goes to his house and walks right in, there's no
sign of anyone around. He stomps his foot on the trap door in the floor and they all hear this voice say "Is that you honey?"
"Yeah it's me," he says. "Do you want me to come out?" she asks "Yes please," he says.
"Should I put the bag on my head?" she asks.
He says, "No. I don't want to fuck you, I just want to show you off!"
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A redneck into a doctors office asking for a birth control pill for his daughter. The doctor replies, "How old is your daughter?"
"She is 11," he replies.
The doctor is surprised, "Is she sexually active at 11?"
He replies, "No, she just lays there like her mother." |
