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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jbe who wrote (43119)	7/2/1999 7:03:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Dear Dino, Please make room for me on your soap box. Not only are girls not as physiologically ready for sex from the "desire" aspect, but a pregnancy in a 13 or 14 year old can be very hazardous for both baby's and mother's health,and when children are involved, and doggone it, we are talking children, there are going to be plenty of "accidents". Bob's sort of Blue Lagoon fantasy sounds almost reasonable at first glance, but it is fraught with pitfalls. What exactly is psychological readiness for sex??? And how in heaven's name would you measure it? Teenagers are MINORS for a reason; they lack the perspective and experience to make responsible decisions about almost everything on a consistent basis. They often talk a great game, but that's all it is; their emotions are as unpredictable and volatile as a manic-depressive's. Because you teach a child the facts of the sex act you have not prepared him for the emotional rollercoaster that can ensue, you have not given him the ability to make sound, rational decisions in this any more than in other areas. You also mentioned something which I hadn't noticed--- the two proponents of "sex for one and all at any age" are male, which is interesting. LIke you, I believe young girls are not nearly as eager and ready for this experience as young boys. (Perhaps Bob's vision is just one of the results of his repressed adolescence.) I don't believe, from my work experience with teens (admittedly these were often teens with problems from troubled homes- but, hey! that's reality!) or my own children, who are bright, wonderful, but were nowhere near ready for sex at 13. penni , Neanderthal Woman

To: jbe who wrote (43119)	7/2/1999 7:34:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 108807

I've decided that adolescent girls vary enormously in their sexual, or libidinous, natures. I thought about it all the time, ached for it, before I even understood precisely what the yearning was for. Don't you think there's a good argument for a girl learning something about the emotional events that can be triggered by sexual feelings before she's old enough to conclude she ought to get married right away, so awash is she in emotion? I'm not talking about boys. I tend to think it's at a much lower level of intensity with them. The sex/emotions link, I mean. It's a big argument, and Barbara Ehrenreich, Catherine McKinnon and Andrea Dworkin would disagree that there was any great difference, I think. I don't know if we would have been less, er, latitudinarian (LOL, melinda!) raising a girl, if we had been given that opportunity, than we were raising a son. I do know that the repressive sexual approach of my parents was not good at all, it created unhappiness and guilt and self loathing, which was cruel and unfair; and I would have felt like a success if my daughter had turned out as well as my son did, emotionally.

To: jbe who wrote (43119)	7/3/1999 2:47:00 AM
From: Bob Lao-Tse	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I fully agree that most adolescents in our society lack the emotional maturity to handle transient sexual relationships -- that's part of my point. I just think that trying to prevent them from having sex is not only impossible, but harmful. We're talking about a basic biological urge that they feel and nothing we can do can make them stop feeling it. All we do now is make them ashamed of it. I think everyone would be better served if we put our efforts into trying to make sure that they do have the necessary emotional maturity when the old hormones start their dance. Because they will, and again, there's absolutely nothing we can do to stop it. And in a more brutal vein, the only way that one learns how to deal with transient sexual relationships is to have some. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. I agree with the basics of your differentiation between boys and girls, but I would point out that the same difference exists between men and women. Fully mature adult women still often feel unduly pressured to have sex, but at least many of them have learned along the way how to deal with that pressure. I would think that in coping with this situation, those who have a responsible and informed (and dare I say, experienced) view of sex have a significant advantage over those who don't have the faintest notion what it's really all about. You say that we should let them wait. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm not talking about lining them up and pairing them off like we're going to teach them to dance. Nobody should be coerced into anything. If they want to wait, that's great. I just think that it is genuinely harmful to try to make them wait.