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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (43133)	7/2/1999 8:14:00 PM
From: jbe	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Oh, I did plenty of "yearning" as a teen-ager, too, E. I "yearned" for several boys. It was a sort of all-consuming "yearning," which I did not recognize as specifically sexual.. Fortunately (I think) for me, my "yearnings" were never reciprocated. I agree there is something to be said for letting a girl learn, well in advance of marriageable age, just what the emotional toll of a sexual relationship can be. But -- ow!! Besides, it seems to me that young girls who begin having sex very early -- and who therefore are more likely to have multiple sexual partners -- are in danger of becoming emotionally desensitized. Sex can become no more important than blowing your nose -- which is all right, I guess, but not very exciting. Blue Lagooners like to make the point that in other societies 13 and 14 year old girls get married, and have sex. Well, the assumption in such societies is that the girls are going to have sex with just one partner, and that they will produce children right away. They are not going to be passed around from hand to hand. Not, that is, unless they are sold to work as prostitutes -- which can also happen. But is that an example to emulate? I am glad, incidentally, that I had sons and not daughters. I am sure it was easier. Joan

To: E who wrote (43133)	7/2/1999 10:20:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

E- THis isn't an all or nothing argument, is it? I'm just opposed to this idea of free sex at thirteen or fourteen, as if it had no more import than getting your learner's license.

To: E who wrote (43133)	7/2/1999 10:53:00 PM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Well, I AM rearing a girl, and it is quite difficult. I want her to feel good about herself, and for others to respect her as well, and it is just simply true that teenaged boys do not respect girls who will have sex with them unless the relationship is exclusive and very serious, AND that the boys will often tell a girl that they love her and then dump her as soon as she has sex with them. This is not to say that teenaged girls never use boys, but I have a girl so I have to consider her best interests first. What I tell her is that sex is something that is best when it happens when two people are in love and deeply committed to each other, and responsible enough to use precautions, there is a lot of trust in the relationship, and they are mature enough to talk about the sex and whether it enhances the relationship. I would hope that this would be several years away, obviously, but there are teenagers who are grown-up enough to pull all of this off successfully, and without damaging themselves. But it is definitely risky.

To: E who wrote (43133)	7/3/1999 12:02:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Respond to of 108807

>I'm not talking about boys. I tend to think it's at a much lower level of intensity with them. The sex/emotions link, I mean. < Well - seeing as how up til now it's the women have responded, and admitting that I am offering a sample of one - I'd like to say that my serious crushes weren't overtly sexual in nature. They were more in the all-consuming personal yearning category. The sex ideation was subordinate to the romantic ideation - and it's not like I made it that way. it was natural. But of course Wife thinks if they ever do a cat scan on me they'll spot an ovary. :-)