Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dorine Essey who wrote (10686)	7/13/1999 7:54:00 AM
From: Scarecrow	Respond to of 62569

My fave is Iceland's version... =============================================== POWERS GAGGED WATCHDOGS all over the world have clamped down on Mike Myers' new Austin Powers film, The Spy Who Shagged Me. But, in their desperate efforts to tone down the word, they have come up with some very silly solutions. In Singapore, officials forced film bosses to change the title to The Spy Who Shioked Me, meaning The Spy Who Was Good To Me. Other countries have made equally hasty title changes including: Malaysia - The Spy Who Loved Women. France - L'Espion qui m'a tire (The Spy Who Shot Me) Spain - La Espia Que Me Achucho (The Spy Who Serviced Me) Germany - Spion in Geheimer Missionarsstellung (The Spy in the Secret Missionary Position) Iceland - Njosuarinn Sem Neglani Mig (The Spy Who Nailed Me) Japan - Austin Powers Deluxe Latin America - El Espia Seductor (The Seductive Spy) Even in Britain, Radio 1 DJs have been ordered not to say "shagged". Austin Powers' shagadelic 60s language has already caused several brushes with the censors. Dolls and toys based on the film have proved too rude for high street stores. Woolworths, Toys R Us and Hamleys in Regent Street, London, decided not to stock the full range of spin-off goodies. A Woolies spokesman said: "We'll stock some goods, but nothing with the word 'shag' on it." And the Odeon and ABC cinemas have bottled out and billed it as Austin Powers 2. But Mike Myers is laughing all the way to the bank. He was paid £5 million up front and promised 10 per cent of all profits from the movie - which made £33million in its first weekend!

To: Dorine Essey who wrote (10686)	7/13/1999 9:22:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62569

If you don't include a joke all your comments are ignored!!!! =============================================================== Monday July 12 11:17 AM ET Police Capture Drug Dealing Monkeys dailynews.yahoo.com DHAKA (Reuters) - Bangladeshi police said Monday they had captured two monkeys trained to deliver drugs to addicts in the capital Dhaka. The monkeys were captured Sunday in Dhaka's Sabujbagh area and placed in the zoo after an anonymous caller said drug dealers had been using the monkeys to carry drugs to buyers and collect their money, a policeman said. He said the monkeys -- named Munni and Hamid -- were trained to perform the unique job, and police were investigating to see if other drug dealers were also using monkeys. ''Using monkeys in the illegal trade has been detected for the first time and we are exploring if there are more such cases,'' police officer Liaquat Hossain said. Police said they could not arrest the drug sellers yet but had seized a huge quantity of bottled phensidyl, a syrupy liquid that contains codeine, which relaxes the nerves and causes sleepiness. Police said phensidyl was mostly smuggled into Bangladesh from India and was widely used by addicts who could not afford costlier alcohol and drugs like heroin or cocaine. ''Taking phensidyl as a substitute drug has been rampant in the country,'' an official with the narcotics department said. The sale and use of alcohol and drugs in any form, except for medical purposes, is banned in Muslim Bangladesh, but police said there were about 100,000 addicts in Dhaka alone.

To: Dorine Essey who wrote (10686)	7/17/1999 9:15:00 AM
From: Kip518	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

The Edward Bulwer Lytton prize is awarded every year to the author of the worst possible opening line of a book. This has been so successful that Penguin now publishes five books-worth of entries. Some recent winners: _____ "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the end of it." "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep . . . Andre creep . . .Andre creep." "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon -- to become the woman he loved." "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies. "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"