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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Rambi who wrote (45588)7/14/1999 8:13:00 PM
From: jpmac  Respond to of 108807
 
Perfection may be unattainable but striving to always improve and come closer to who and how we want to be is a worthy task. I agree with all that stuff you said, including the last bit.



To: Rambi who wrote (45588)7/14/1999 8:35:00 PM
From: greenspirit  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 108807
 
Yes Rambi, that's it precisely. Funny that you said that about the kids, because the reason I jumped off the thread for a little while was because Kerrie came rushing into the house, Ryan in tow yelling, YOUR DAD IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS YOUNG MAN!!

Well, it seems little Ryan decided to use a 6 foot styrofoam wand to choke poor Katie while mom was gardening!

My reaction...instantly I felt a swell of anger and disappointment, then in another microsecond I internalized the behavior and said. "Ryan go up to your room and I will come up to talk with you about it in a minute. (I chose how I was going to respond)

I then queried Katie and mom regarding what happened and in about 3 minutes went upstairs to dia-logus with Ryan about the dangers of choking his sister. :-)

Am I perfect? Of course not! But the goal and understanding is there nevertheless.

And I guess what started all this conversation is that I believe our goals should be higher regarding communication on this thread. 200 some odd posts saying nasty things back and forth is really beneath the intellect of the posters here.

At least I fervently hope it is! :-)

Michael



To: Rambi who wrote (45588)7/14/1999 9:37:00 PM
From: The Philosopher  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 108807
 
I'm not trying to set anybody up. I was objecting to the original blanket statement that everybody can control their responses to anything that is said to them. I disagreed, and continue to disagree.

As we develop this discussion, I think there are several strands getting intermingled which we need to separate.

1. Our internal reactions/responses -- anger, fear, etc. I maintain, and some others here have agreed, that no human is in practice capable of always and perfectly controlling those reactions/responses. Under certain circumstances, we will have visceral internal reactions which are as uncontrollable as our reaction to the doctor's rubber hammer. (As I said before, after all our emotions are all physically based. The brain is physical, and everythingthat goes on it is physical.)

2. Our external reactions/responses. What we say or do to others. If we get angry, do we swallow it or hit out (verbally or physically)? Here I think there is a higher expectation of control. I think perhaps Michael has been addressing this level rather than the first level, though I may be wrong. I maintain that much of the time we can control this level, but that on occasion the influence of stimulations working on past experiences is sufficient to make us lose control, and that every person has that response at one time or another. I think most people have as a goal the ability to completely control this level of reaction/response. But I also think that no person is capable of controlling this at every point and for every stimulus.