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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (45603)	7/14/1999 8:45:00 PM
From: Dayuhan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I agree with your hypothesis, though with some reservations. We can choose our responses, but that does not mean that an emotional response is never appropriate. It is natural to respond to stupidity with contempt, or to viciousness with anger. The problem arises when people jump to the conclusion that those who do not agree with them are necessarily stupid, and treat each other with reflexive contempt. An easy thing to do when people insist on acting stupider than they are, but not advisable. Methods of expressing contempt that are more worthy of the very young do not help. Knowing when to stop does help. I've occasionally had cause to tell my children that I care less about who started it than about who is going to stop it. I wouldn't mind saying the same to people here on occasion, but it might be construed as contempt.

To: greenspirit who wrote (45603)	7/14/1999 9:53:00 PM
From: The Philosopher	Respond to of 108807

My reaction...instantly I felt a swell of anger and disappointment, then in another microsecond I internalized the behavior and said. "Ryan go up to your room and I will come up to talk with you about it in a minute. (I chose how I was going to respond) This makes the point I made in a prior post. We have been at some cross purposes because we have been using the word "response" differently. I include instant internal reactions in my understanding of how one responds to something written on line. Here you limit it to how you chose to interact -- in the net case, what you choose to post back to an offensive post that raises a visceral reaction in you. I do agree with you that we should try to control the latter, and that it is reasonable to expect people to do that on-line -- that is, in the time it takes the react internally, hit the "respond" button, type a response, and prepare to hit the "Submit Response" button one should be able to muster the ability to say "hang on, do I really want to say this?" But as to controlling the initial internal response, the swell of disappointment and anger you felt, I don't feel that normal people can choose to control that routinely.