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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (10750)	7/19/1999 12:32:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 62569

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job." The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?" The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell." The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job." The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is." The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, Ready!" The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says "That's a number two pine, two by four, eight foot long." The foreman says, "Duh! That's right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here's another piece of lumber for you to identify." The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, "Ready!" The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman does this and says "Ready!" The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, "That's a clear heart red wood, four by four, six foot long." The foreman is amazed and says "That's right, but I still think you're just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job." The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter by taking off all of her clothes and laying down on the table. She takes off her clothes walks out of the office and lays face down on the table. The foreman says, "Ready!" The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, "This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, "Ready!" The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, "I got it. That's a shit house door off a tuna boat." He got the job.

To: Edwarda who wrote (10750)	7/19/1999 8:49:00 PM
From: Dayuhan	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62569

This was in my e-mail this morning, and I could think of nowhere else to put it. My choice for "hype of the month": UPCA has just made the most incredible discovery ever that could change millions of peoples lives!! They have found the cure for AIDS, HIV, and Diabetes.....My short term target on the stock is $50....Call the company and read the press release....They are currently working on interviews with Time Magazine, 20/20, 60 MINUTES, and many other "HUGE" possibilities! The stock anywhere near $2 a share is like buying Microsoft now at a nickel! Interesting to note that the company's previous press release involved acquisition of a car dealership....