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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1306)	7/26/1999 8:57:00 AM
From: Katt-000	Respond to of 2380

Censored? You are a Wiseowl. I must have retained a bit more innocence than I realized... I was blushing terribly and no one even knew I read it. Here are some one liners more my speed. ********************************** Dilbert's Words of Wisdom 1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? 4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. 6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. 7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. 9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. 10. I don't have an attitude problem.You have a perception problem. 11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" 12. My Reality Check bounced. 13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. and the Best... "Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1306)	7/26/1999 9:49:00 AM
From: Zbyte	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

Sunbathing Nude On The Top Of A Hotel A rather well built woman, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit. However on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tanfiguring that no one could see her way up there. She'd hardly began when sheheard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so shejust pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistantmanager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof,but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you didyesterday!" "What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one cansee me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "With all due respect, not exactly ma'am," said the embarrassed littleman. "You are lying on the dining room skylight."

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1306)	7/27/1999 10:35:00 AM
From: Zbyte	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

A little bird was flying south for the winter when it suddenly became so cold the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped a huge pile of dung on it. As it lay there in the pile of cow dung, the bird began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the little bird singing, and came to investigate. Discovering that it was a bird under a pile of cow dung, he promptly dug him out and ate him. The moral of the story..... 1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1306)	7/28/1999 9:44:00 AM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

A married man was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it... she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!'"