Three gays were discussing what they thought their favorite sport would be. The first decides on football, 'cause of all those gorgeous guys bending over in their tight pants. "Definitely wrestling," sighs the second guy. "Those skimpy little costumes, and think of the holds."
"Definitely baseball," says the third guy. "Why? Well, I'd be pitching with the bases loaded, the batter would hit a line drive right to me, I'd catch it, and I'd just stand there while the other guys rounded the bases. Meanwhile the crowd would be going crazy, screaming, 'Throw the ball,
you cocksucker!' and that's what I like - the recognition."
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The manager of a superstore was making mad passionate love to his secretary on his office desk, when unexpectedly, in walked the managing director of the company.
"Do you know who I am?" bellowed the MD
The manager stopped what he was doing, turned round, stared at the MD, and sharply replied: "I don't fuckin' believe it! You're the third guy this week that's walked into my office
suffering from amnesia"!
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A guy who went into the adult section of a department store to buy condoms. The female clerk told him, "We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?"
The guy said, "Good, I'll take a box."
A few months later, he went into the women's clothing section and saw that this same female clerk was transferred into the maternity section.
The guy said, "I'd like to buy a maternity blouse."
The clerk asked, "What bust?"
To which he replied, "One of the goddamm blue ones!"
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Two young women were discussing their sex lives, when one complained to the other: "I can't take it any more. Every time my husband shoots his load, he screams and shouts, then dances
Around the bedroom naked, singing the National Anthem."
"What's wrong with that?" asked her friend. "Well, for a start, he keeps waking me up!"
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A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.
He arranged for a hooker to be sent to his room. After they were finished, he said, "I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good."
The hooker replied, "Your foreplay ain't all that hot either!"
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Emerging from the chiropractor's treatment room, a young man said aloud in the
crowded waiting room, "I feel like a new man!"
"I do, too," a middle-aged woman responded, "but I'll probably go home with the
same old one."
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This trucker had been driving his eighteen wheeler for hours and he was hot and tired so he stopped at his favorite brothel he'd patronize for years.Mabel answers the door and says'"Hey there Ed, what can I do for you."
Ed replies, "You know I've been trading here for twenty years and this time I'd like something different."
Well says Mabel, we got Annie, Betty and Lucy she takes it up the "attic".
Hell no, I want something different, "says Ed.
Mabel says, "Oh, I'll send Hurricane Jessie she's new, now you go on to your room."
Ed goes to his room and gets all prepared, soon this big Amazon of a gal
comes in and she's puffing and a blowing. She straddles old Ed and starts
swinging back and forth, her big boobs just knocking hell outa his head.He
cried, "What in hell's going on?"
"I'm Hurricane Jessie and that's the coconuts falling off the coconut
trees". Pretty soon she starts pissing all over him and says this is the
monsoon rains that come with the hurricane.
Ed jumps off the bed and Hurricane Jessie says, "What's wrong honey, don't
you like it?"
He said,"I'm leaving who in hell could fuck in this kind of weather!"
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Two Amish ladies were digging potatoes in the field. One lady digs up two large potatoes bigger than her fist.
She says, "Oh my! These remind me of my husband Jebadiah's balls."
The other woman gazed in wonder and said, "You mean his balls are that BIG!"
"No!" the woman replied. "There're that dirty!"
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A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef.
"Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"
Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."
The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."
Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."
The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?
"No," she says.
The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."
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The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin."
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A woman talks to a psychiatrist and says, "You've got to help me Doctor, my husband thinks he's a racehorse! He neighs, sleeps on straw, and even eats grain!"
"No problem," says the doctor. "I can heal him, but it's gonna be costly!"
"Oh, money isn't an issue," says the disgruntled wife. "He's already won two races!"
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Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to
Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered. |
