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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: architect* who wrote (11037)	8/11/1999 9:20:00 PM
From: Dr. Id	Respond to of 62551

* A man was trying to understand the nature of God, so he asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?" God answered: "A million years is like a minute." Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny." Finally the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?" And God said, "In a minute."

To: architect* who wrote (11037)	8/11/1999 9:21:00 PM
From: Dr. Id	Respond to of 62551

* The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

To: architect* who wrote (11037)	8/11/1999 9:22:00 PM
From: Dr. Id	Respond to of 62551

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!"

To: architect* who wrote (11037)	8/11/1999 9:23:00 PM
From: Dr. Id	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

A husband and wife were getting a divorce, and so they wree told to take their child to the judge so he could decide who would get custody. After reaching the judges office the judge looked at the child and said, "I'm going to let your mother take care of you." The child replied, "I don't want to live with my mother, she beats me." The judge paused for a second and then said, "Okay then, I guess you can live with your father." The child immediately responded, "But I don't want to go with him either, he beats me too!" After thinking about this a second the judge asked, "Well then, where do you want to go?" The child said, "I want to go with the Red Sox, they never beat anybody."