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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Feathered Propeller who wrote (11055)	8/12/1999 9:52:00 PM
From: george wood	Respond to of 62574

During the big DUI Dragnet, a Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalizer test, and to his great surprise the man blew a 0.00! The Patrolman was dumbfounded! "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman. "I doubt it," said the drunk, "tonight I'm the Designated Decoy!"

To: Feathered Propeller who wrote (11055)	8/14/1999 10:59:00 PM
From: Feathered Propeller	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62574

What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a ''modem,'' can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. This is called ''logging on,'' and once you are ''logged on,'' you can move the ''pointer'' of your ''mouse'' to a ''hyperlink,'' and simply by ''clicking'' on it, change your ''pointer'' to an ''hourglass.'' Then you can go to ''lunch,'' and when you come back, there, on your computer screen, as if by magic, will be at least 14 advertisements related to Beanie Babies (which currently are the foundation of the entire world economy). This entire process takes place in less time than it takes for a sperm whale to give birth to twins. ----Dave Barry herald.com