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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: emidio who wrote (11077)	8/16/1999 9:33:00 PM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62575

> >Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. > > > >Insanity is my only means of relaxation. > > > >Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. > > > >Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their > >diets. > > > >You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking > >chair that you once got from a roller coaster. > > > >Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would > >put them down somewhere and forget where they left them. > > > >One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a > >woman gain five pounds. > > > >My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. > > > >Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away. > > > >God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right > >now I am so far behind, I will live forever. > > > >It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to > >ask you the questions. > > > >If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts. > > > >I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. > > > >You're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoelace and > >wonder what else you can do while you're down there. > > > >There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full. > > > >The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the > >right > >place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. > > > >Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. > > > >The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. > > > >Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. > > > >The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what > >I'm doing, someone else does. > > > >The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then > >your body and your fat are really good friends. > > > >Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. > > > >Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. > > > >Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. > > > >Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain > >consciousness. > > > >If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything. > > > >You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you > >stop laughing. > > > >I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese. > > > >WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes. We > >now have power surges. > > > >Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it > >shrinks two sizes. > > > >It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your > >hips. > > > >Age is important only if you're a cheese. > > > >The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is > >expecting a baby. > > > >Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes. > > > >Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can > >usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. > > > >Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?? > > > >Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. > > > >Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so > >popular?