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To: Mike 2.0 who wrote (11089)	8/18/1999 11:57:00 AM
From: V.	Respond to of 62576

CHRISTMAS AND CHANUKAH TO MERGE (Reuterrs) Los Angeles, August 18-- Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, representatives of Chanukah, Inc. and Christmas, Inc. announced today at a press conference the merger of the two holidays. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, "We finally decided to share our resources instead of competing against each other. I think it will be a great move for both sides." While details of the merger are still sketchy, it is believed that the overhead costs of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah were becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we are told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Four Days of "Christmukah," as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Santa Claus will undergo a name change to Santa Klein and two of the elves will don chasidic wear. Jews will officially be allowed to admit celebrating Christmas as well as using Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering gifts. Wallstreet analysts had mix reactions to the deal. "I think it may be a good deal," reported one analyst, "Now that the holidays have consolidated, they may become an attractive takeover target for holiday giants AOL or Yahoo." The CEOs of Chanukah and Christmas closed the press conference by leading a choir of priests and rabbis in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, Come All Ye Faithful."