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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: pogbull who wrote (11118)	8/20/1999 6:37:00 PM
From: Gary Korn	Respond to of 62549

Arctic Trader, FYI Gary Korn is an attorney No problem, Arctic, I hate a lot of attorneys myself. Now, on to the important stuff: In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by its stupidity, here are some actual instruction labels found on consumer goods. I am sure I have seen some of these but a few were new . . . . On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special.) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how . . .?) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's "just" a suggestion.) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late, asshole!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day . . .) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save more time?) On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One can only hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Really? No shit?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (How???!!!! . . . Why????!!!!! Did someone actually . . . well . . . you know . . . uh???)