Little Johnny was at school and his teacher was teaching about the 4 basic food groups. Johnny asks "What food group does light bulbs fall into". His teacher replies, "Light bulbs are not edible and they don't fall into any food group".
Little Johnny insists that light bulbs are food because his Dad eats light bulbs. The teacher tries to get Little johnny to drop the subject, but he just would not let it go. He said "I know that light bulbs are edible because I heard my Dad tell my Mom that if she would turn off the light, he would eat it!"
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This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off. One day, his wife came home with a diamond necklace. The guy asked, "Where did you get that from?"
His wife replied, "I won it at bingo!"
The next night, she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked, "Where did you get that from?"
His wife replied, "I won it at bingo."
The next night, she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked, "Where did you get that from?"
His wife replied, "Look! Don't keep asking where I get my things from! Go upstairs and set my bath for me!" His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the tub. The wife asked, "How come you put so little water in the tub?"
The guy replied, "I didn't want you to get your bingo card wet !"
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Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and thatwill warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *ears* ever get cold?"
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Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night. He's on fire,so he gets naked, jumps into bed and immediately begins groping her. She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So he sits up, folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better??"
She replies,"Much!"
To which he replies: "Okay. Now will you please pass the pussy??
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Q: How will Bill Clinton be remembered in history?
A: As the president after bush.
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This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please."
A lady standing in front of him turns around and says,
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
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A guy walked into the doctor's surgery for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked "I'll need the information for the doctor."
"It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection."
"Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but
maybe I can squeeze you in." |
