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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: c.horn who wrote (11279)	8/29/1999 9:19:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62558

Two guys are walking down the street and the first guy glances at a girl who had just walked by. She turns around and says indignantly, "What are you looking at?" The second guy points to his friend and says, " He thought you were good looking, but he was mistaken." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ NASA decides to send the first manned mission to Mars After months of training they pick the astronaut to do the mission. The astronauts name was Dick. The night before take off he absolutely craps himself. He tells his wife that he is so frightened that there is no way he is going on the mission. The wife calms him down and says to him, "Don't worry Dick, I'll go in your place" Somehow she manages to sneak past the mission attendants without any one realizing that "HE" is really a "SHE" and gets into the rocket. 30 seconds after take off the rocket explodes and crashes into the sea. A rescue mission is sent out and miraculously they find the still alive but unconscious body of the female astronaut. Two days later she starts coming round in hospital and she can feel a pair of doctors hands pummeling away at her tits. "Dick, Dick where's my Dick", she cries. The doctor says, "Never mind about your dick we are still trying to get your ass back in place". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions.... "How many children do you have?" he asked. "Eighteen." The lady replied. "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist--you just don't have time to get dressed!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to this good looking girl and starts looking at his watch. The girl notices this and asks him if his date is late. "No", he replies, "I've just got this new state-of-the- art watch and I was just about to test it." "Oh yeah?", she says, "And what does it do?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me", he replies. "So, what's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." "Ha! Well it must be broken then because I am!" "Damn thing must be an hour fast!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Did you hear about the 7 'guys' that attacked a girl in San Francisco ?? A. 6 held her down......while the 'other' did her hair.