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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: William who wrote (11299)	8/31/1999 7:54:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62549

THE TEACHER'S GIFT The florist's son handed his teacher a gift. She shook it overhead and said, "I bet I know what it is -- some flowers." "That's right," the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is -- a box of candy." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was a large box from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher started to hold it overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. Puzzled, the teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied happily, "It's a Puppy." ============================================ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and thelight was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At thenext intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us! Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, . . . am I driving?" ============================================ It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! Lord, please make that bear a Christian." Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."