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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: HarperLee who wrote (11307)	8/31/1999 4:45:00 PM
From: Jean-STbastien Vanbrugghe	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

> One day, a fellow complained to his friend. "My elbow really hurts. > Guess I should see a doctor." > His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug > store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. > Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose > your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs > $10." > He figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine > sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in > the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some > noises and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out > popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: > > >> > You have tennis elbow. > > >> > Soak your arm in warm water. > > >> > Avoid heavy labor. > > >> > It will be better in two weeks. > > >> > Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology > was > and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder > if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed > together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine > samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated > into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the > machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine > again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis: > > >> > Your tap water is too hard. > > >> > Get a water softener. > > >> > Your dog has worms. > > >> > Give him vitamins. > > >> > Your daughter's using cocaine. > > >> > Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. > > >> > Your wife's pregnant - twin girls. > > >> > They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. > > >> > And if you don't stop jerking off. > > >> > Your tennis elbow will never get better. > > >> > Have a Great Day.

To: HarperLee who wrote (11307)	8/31/1999 5:42:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62549

Going for the Gold The question remains: A great thirst or a brilliant concept? A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to line up 10 glasses and fill them with beer. As the bartender starts pouring, the customer starts gulping the suds down one by one. "Hey, buddy," shouts the barkeep, "what's your hurry?" The man takes a breather from his next glass of the amber liquid -- the ninth -- and replies: "If you had what I have, you'd do the same thing." "And what do you have?" asks the bartender, ready with a few words of sympathy. "About 50 cents," the customer replies.

To: HarperLee who wrote (11307)	10/15/1999 8:53:00 PM
From: Feathered Propeller	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Harperlee, Len's "Top 15 Euphemisms for death"... Message 11569296 reminded me of your query of sometime back: Message 11110186 for which you received nine fine replies plus Len's contribution. techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com techstocks.com At the time, I wondered the nature of the instructor that would give such an assignment to would be or existing paramedics...and also wondered why you never shared the fruits of the class effort with the thread. Now that we are approaching Holloween and the subject matter becomes slightly more topical...maybe now would be a good time to ask you to do it for us... I need some material for the little goblins in my neighborhood. <g> Regards, JCC DEAD, adj. Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Though to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! ---Squatol Johnes