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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: 2brasil who wrote (11341)	9/2/1999 5:14:00 PM
From: kenyshoe	Respond to of 62555

Warning Labels In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer--Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos--You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap--Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners--Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box--Fits one head. (Not the interstellar model) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)--Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding--Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron--Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine--Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off those forklifts.) On Nytol sleep aid--Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife--Warning: keep out of reach of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) On a string of Chinese--made Christmas lights-For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) (Or underground?) On a Japanese food processor--Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts--Warning: contains nuts. On an American Airlines packet of nuts--Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Thanks, cuz I was thinking it was my complimentary pillow!) On a Swedish chain saw--Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?) On a child's superman costume--Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!) * Consider yourself warned!!

To: 2brasil who wrote (11341)	9/3/1999 9:19:00 AM
From: Ken O'Connor	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62555

Here are the others.......... > > If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696969. > > > > If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a > > representative comes on the line. > > > > If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, > > > date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. > > > > If you have short-term memory loss press 9 > > If you have short-term memory loss press 9 > > If you have short-term memory loss press 9 > > If you have short-term memory loss press 9 > > > > If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are > too > > busy to talk to you. > > If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the > > mother ship. Regards