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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (2410)	9/4/1999 1:20:00 PM
From: Monty Lenard	Respond to of 2733

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

To: Karin who wrote (2410)	9/4/1999 1:26:00 PM
From: Racman	Respond to of 2733

Subject: Design Flaws Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the world. "As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want." Ford thinks about it, and says, - "I want to hang out with God Himself." So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, - "When you invented Woman, what were You thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much front end protrusion. 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds. 3. Maintenance is extremely high. 4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing. 5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days. 6. The rear end wobbles too much. 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust. 8. The headlights are usually too small. 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous. Just to name a few." "Hmmm...," replies God, "Hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.

To: Karin who wrote (2410)	9/5/1999 2:06:00 PM
From: Karin	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

A manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, polite and attractive. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When she left the room, she said courteously, "Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door was open?" He did not understand her remark but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. New Secretary He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jenson, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?? The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags!"