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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (11482)	9/10/1999 11:54:00 PM
From: Carole Olkowski	Respond to of 62550

Boy Chris... You must think us so shallow... I personally prefer emeralds and sapphires :) Carole

To: The Philosopher who wrote (11482)	9/10/1999 11:56:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62550

LEARNING HEBREW FOR FATHER'S DAY Young Sammy, not very bright but a loving son, spoke to his father. "Dad," he said, "it's Father's Day, and you have enough ties. What would YOU like as a gift?" The father thought for a moment, then said, "Sammy, my greatest joy would be for you to continue the tradition of our people and learn to speak Hebrew." The boy shuddered. "That would be so much work and let's face it; I'm a slow learner." "You'll do fine, Sammy. I learned that language to please my father as he did for HIS father. It would please me so very much!" "Okay, Dad, I'll give it a shot." The next day, they looked up the local synagogue in the yellow pages and went to see the rabbi. Hebrew lessons were arranged, and the boy went faithfully and studied hard. A few months later the father dropped in during a lesson and discovered that the boy, while obviously doing his best, could stumble through just a few words of Hebrew. Then, to his horror, he realized that what he was hearing was the beginning of the Kaddish, the prayer for the dead, the words that every son is expected to intone at regular intervals after the father's death. "What IS this?" he cried. "I'm just in my 50s, a young man, in good health. Do I look so aged and frail that my son has to learn the Kaddish before anything else?" "Mister!" said the rabbi. "You should only LIVE so long that this boy will be able to say the whole Kaddish over you!" _____________________________________________________________ An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home." "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!" Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her Encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" He said the reflector is broken. I can fix that in two minutes. What else? I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake...