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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (11494)	9/12/1999 9:24:00 AM
From: Thomas Payne	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62550

The Top 20 Bad Romance Novel Metaphors or Similes > > > 20> His body was hard -- not hard like Milosevic, the Serbian > strongman, but hard like the marble on your shower floor, > when you fall and bang your knee. > > 19> Her shoulders heaved like the tiny sobs of Snuggles the cat > being run through with a roasting spit. > > 18> Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on > hot asphalt in the Georgia sun. > > 17> Her petticoats dropped to the ground, rustling like a > cockroach in a sugar bowl. > > 16> As she kissed her way down his manly chest, he felt his > Amalgamated Crane Company stock increasing in value. > > 15> Beatrice was on him like a piranha on a corn dog. > > 14> ...then he kissed her, like a butterfly kisses the windshield > of a Porsche on the Autobahn. > > 13> Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed > nipples were like hypodermics washed up on the shore. > > 12> With his broad shoulders and slim waist, he was a yield sign > -- yet she could NOT! > > 11> He tore open her blouse like a Publisher's Clearing House > letter in which he, and some guy named Steven Bouber from > Stockton, California, were potential finalists for the ten > million dollar prize. > > 10> His manhood stood at full attention, stiff and stony like the > vice president. > > 9> Sleekly malevolent, driven by a violent hunger, Donovan glided > through the chum-filled waters of the singles bar, > oblivious to the remora of Annabelle's adoring gaze. > > 8> Like the wind, she ran, her breasts lurching like a motor boat > over a wake, and then, as fluid as a fine imported transmission, > she whipped out her man-organ and pissed away his dreams. > > 7> Her sun-glazed back formed a golden arch as he moved his face > toward her happy meal. > > 6> With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after > Thanksgiving dinner. > > 5> He Beatty-ed her shamelessly, making her squeal like Ned > and hallucinate like Warren. > > 4> He awoke my slumbering womanhood with his double tall loin > latte. "Starbuck!" I cried. > > 3> His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool. > > 2> Claire felt swept away by this dark stranger, a helpless dust > bunny in the roaring cacophony of his gas-powered leaf > blower. > > 1> His finger, weathered and rough from years on the ranch, > danced in and out of his nose like a slimy ballerina. >

To: The Philosopher who wrote (11494)	9/13/1999 10:46:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

I personally do not enjoy iced tea. However, my lover tells me that I make the best iced tea he has ever enjoyed..... So, at what time and which day will you be at my doorstep?? <GGG> BTW, I just finished making ice cream of black raspberries with my old fashioned hand crank machine. Oops, need a joke: Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said,”Leroy, this isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead?” After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room so he finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus. Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your Friend, Leroy. Now Leroy knew Jesus really knew what kind of a boy he was (a brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try. Dear Jesus, I've been an okay boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Yours truly, Leroy. Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again. Dear Jesus, I thought about being a good boy this year so can I have a bicycle? Leroy. Well, Leroy looked deep down into his heart, which by the way is what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter and threw it into the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden, he grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter. Jesus, I got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike. You know who.